Thoughts from the Bottle

I've been feeling sort of weird lately. Some may say that I'm weird all the time!! But their opinions are like a$$cracks. Everybody has one and they all stink!! Anyway, I've been feeling more and more like myself. For a few years I didn't feel like me. I felt like "Evil Me" had taken over, wreaking havoc on the world. It could be the fact that I'm running again. Could be that I've regained the greatest crossover in the world and I'm ready to school all you chumps on the court this summer... Ok not all you chumps, but at least one or two of ya... Or it could just be that my confidence is at an all time high. Now one may say "King of all A$$Clownage, this is a good thing, right?" It is. But I also feel like I have to be on guard even more to make sure that I don't slip up and fall back into old habits. With the weather being beautiful and the ladies showing more skin, its got me feeling A CERTAIN KIND OF WAY (All caps because I hate that expression. Add that to my personal pet peeves right after racist antfarmers.) I'm resisting the temptation to go out and get wasted and act the absolute fool. It sounds crazy, but I feel like even partying one time will mess up the progress that Ive made. I have no commitments this summer except to my job (and my side work as my sister's cabbie :( ) and my friends keep telling me that going out one time wont kill you. True. But I feel like I have a few good parties left in me and that I need to save them for truly special occasions. When those will be, couldn't tell you. I know I'm not ready yet, though. Some of you may have Focus (If ya havent, WHADDAYA WAITING FOR!?!) and think, "Just reread your own words." I think that I wrote this blog to help people understand what goes through the mind of an alcoholic and why they become so susceptible to relapse. What may seem like easy decisions to other people are actually agonizing for the alcoholic/addict. If you're in this boat, do like I do: Write about it and share your thoughts. It's actually very liberating. Done rambling. Just needed to get out of my own head for a minute. Peace!! www.twitter.com/thefakejcoston